Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
