He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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