My room smells like vodka and shame
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My breasts were aching with rage.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
