Porn is love you can see.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
