he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize