is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
