my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
