hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Sex in the backyard? Check.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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