Do you still have your period?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize