If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You're like the curious george of whores
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
