yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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