i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
