Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
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