she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
