just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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