just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
