Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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