I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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