The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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