He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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