After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
