Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
