The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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