I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
