I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
