You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
