your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
