Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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