Heybabeimwearingurpanties
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
