So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize