they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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