Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He keeps bees of course he's weird
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Randomize
