she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
