You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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