Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
if only i could text you this smell
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
