btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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