Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
