I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
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