He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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