sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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