Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
