Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize