I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
