the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
