is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
