He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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