I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
