I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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