OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
