I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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