I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize