I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
