rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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