She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
