so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
