so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
