Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
