you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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