Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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