Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
its liver damage thursday
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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