My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize