haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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