Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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