girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
