if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
