I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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