Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
