His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
