She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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