I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
