thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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