eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
