I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
