Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
