This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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