Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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