WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
