life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
As shirtless as possible
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
