i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
