Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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