Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
