her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
