I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
