I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
