he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
