I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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