She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
