Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize