I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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