I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
